You're Not the Boss of Me

How long have people been saying, "you're not the boss of me?"  I Googled it to see what I could find. Aren't you just amazed at the wealth of information you find when you Google something? I found instances of it being used in publications dating back to 1883. So you know if that was the sentiment in 1883, it probably was the sentiment in 1773. It is human nature to want to boss people around, and it is also human nature to not want anyone to tell you what to do.

I remember my son at an early age informing me that I was not the boss of him. Where does a small child pick those words up? Maybe Disney movies. Maybe Barney. Maybe he heard me tell my husband that. I doubt it, because I don't think I ever told him that, but who knows?

Recently, I was instructed by a person on what interaction I may or may not have with a group of people and what I may or may not say to this group of people. Seriously? If this had something to do with national security and lives would be in danger, or if I was trying to get elected and this person was my campaign manager, fine, fire away. It doesn't come anywhere close.  As you can probably tell, I am quite incensed over this. First off, this person is not the boss of me. Secondly, this person plays no part in my life and has no say in what I do and don't do. I appreciate that this person may have an opinion to offer; have at it; I will listen; but don't tell me what I can and can't do just because you say so.

So how does one person get another person to do something without that person thinking they are being bossed around? Nothing creates more resistance than telling people what they "should" or "have to" or "must" or "ought to" do, says Marshall Rosenberg, some guy I found on the Internet that has written an article on Compassionate Communication.

"You're not the boss of me" was my (childish?) way of reacting to someone telling me what to do. I thought if I wrote about it, I could stop obsessing over it and move on. I will let you know how that works for me.

Here is the good news: I read Marshall Rosenberg's article, and I loved it. Whether you are dealing with international disputes, relationship, business, classroom, or parent-child conflicts, the information found in the article will help you learn to hear the human being behind the message, regardless of how the message is framed. It gives great insight into the different ways people talk and the different ways people listen. I encourage everyone to read this article. You will not be disappointed.

www.nwcompass.org/compassionate_communication.html

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." ~ Mark Twain